


6 months left (i've got no regrets)

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-08 11:03:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11645262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Tooru sits slumped against the hard-yet-soft mattress found almost exclusively in hospital beds, staring at the blacks and whites merging to form greys in his X-Ray. He can almost see the colour and vibrancy of the flower blooming in his lungs like a watercolour painting, threatening to overwhelm and fill up the empty space in his heart before bursting in a explosion of pain.He shivers.





	1. Chapter 1

Tooru sits slumped against the hard-yet-soft mattress found exclusively in hospital beds, staring at the blacks and whites merging to form greys in his X-Ray. He can almost see the colour and vibrancy of the flower blooming in his lungs like a watercolour painting, threatening to overwhelm and fill up the empty space in his heart before bursting in a explosion of pain.

He shivers.

The doctor's words are passing through his ears and Tooru pays absolutely no heed to them; he doesn't even want to consider the possibility to ever  _stop_ loving Iwaizumi. He's seen enough pity cases to go around: That girl who underwent surgery to remove the flower for her own benefit - in the end it was indeed an unrequited love as the love of her dreams finally got married and she was able to let go; that boy who started coughing out flower petals on the sidewalk and collapsed in a fit of violent thrashing before succumbing to the lack of oxygen, face turning blue; but finally there are a few rare cases where true love is found when unrequited love is finally returned, and the flower is expelled in it's entirety. 

Some people choose to forego surgery because they simply don't want to remove the feeling of a one-sided love, no matter the amount of pain it brings them. Humans are sacrificial like this, in love with the idea of a romantic tragedy. Tooru thinks he might be one of those people. Stupid and hopelessly in love. Somehow, he revels in the feeling of being stupid and making irrational choices. 

It's a cruel cycle that the hanahaki disease subjects Tooru to, while leaving Iwaizumi painfully oblivious and unharmed. He should've had enough - enough of the relentless scribbling of 'Iwaizumi Tooru' on every single piece of scrap paper he can find, romanticising every single action that Iwaizumi makes towards Tooru. He knows it's going to kill him in the end, but he can't just stop hoping like that. Tooru just wants to keep living this painful life and not care about this stupid flower in his chest, just wants to keep hoping against hope that one day Iwaizumi might fall in love with him. 

Even before the doctor finishes his sentence, Tooru barks out a harsh "I'm not going through with the surgery". He raises watery eyes towards the doctor (when did he even start tearing up?) and the doctor smiles in resignation. 

"You've got 6 months left." 

Tooru closes his eyes and grips the sides of the hospital bed tightly. Then, he lets out a blinding smile as if his world was suddenly filled with happiness and life and thanks the doctor. 

There's not much time left, but Tooru wants to make the most out of it. He has to. 

 


	2. it's beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> saudade (n): a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost; "the love that remains"

Tooru coughs out anemones the very next day, the flower petals covering the sink in a beautiful vivid red. Why does he know the name of this flower? Well...

_10 years ago..._

"YOU BOYS BETTER GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT OR ELSE - OH NO MY FLOWERS!" Oikawa's grandmother screeched in anger at the two boys running recklessly across the garden, reaching out two hands to grab the now crying by the ears and hauling them to a safe area very unlike the image of a frail 70 year old woman. 

"Now, will you two little rascals stop fighting?" "But he started it first, Grandma!" Oikawa pouts and points an accusing finger at Iwaizumi. "No, you did!" The other boy shoots back. "ENOUGH, YOU TWO!" Grandmother pulls their ears once more in fury. "Ah ah ah GRANDMA IT HURTS!" The two boys cry out in unison, clutching their red ears in pain. Grandmother finally lets them go, not before raising a questioning eyebrow at them. 

"I'm sorry..." the boys mutter in reluctance. Grandmother heaves a sigh before giving them some instructions. "Alright, I want you to pick flowers for me. Pick a flower that is red in colour with a black spot in the middle, and I need 8 of these." 

"THE FIRST ONE TO GET FOUR GETS DIBS ON DESSERT!" Oikawa yells out before dashing into the garden. Iwaizumi splutters out in confusion before running after his best friend. 

30 minutes later, Oikawa sulks on the walk back home as Iwaizumi gloats over his win. He had lost after being distracted by the beauty of the flowers, the striking red colour making it stand out from the rest of the flowers. Maybe it was the blood of a florist running through his veins, but the boy couldn't stop thinking about the different flower arrangements possible. Reds, mixed with whites and blues... It felt almost nostalgic, even a deep sense of longing, for something that has been lost but never forgotten, living on withstanding the test of time. He could almost describe it as a type of love, the kind that transcends generations and lifetimes. 

"Grandma?" Tooru turns around to face his grandmother walking behind him.

"Im listening, love." 

"What is the name of these flowers?" 

Grandmother feels a choke ripple through her throat but she manages to keep it at bay. "The name of this flower... is 'anemone'." 

"Anemone..." Tooru tests out the pronunciation of the word before letting out a soft smile. "It's beautiful."

The boy turns back to admire the flowers once more, and misses the tears glistening at the corner of his grandmother's eyes as she looks up towards the sky, praying silently that her grandson would never have to know the meaning of these flowers in his lifetime. 

_Present_

Tooru wipes away the flower petals and discards them in the bin, rinsing his mouth with water before heading back to his room. Out of sheer curiosity, he searches for the meaning of the flower. 

"Hm.. meaning.. of.. anemone.." *click* 

Significance of anemones: 

  * Forsaken or forgotten love and affection
  * The death of a loved one or the loss of them to someone else



"Its.... A DAMN FLOWER MEANT FOR FUNERALS? HAHAHHAA THIS IS SO IRONIC IN YOUR SITUATION, OIKAWA TOORU! It's so damn... pathetic." Tooru sinks into his bed, cradling his pillow in his arms. "I guess that even the gods mock me for being so irrational." At that moment, he makes an impromptu decision. Pulling himself together, he slips on a black sweater with some jeans and hooks his grandmother's last gift for him around his neck; it's a necklace with a simple ring hanging from the chain. His grandmother swore up and down that this was a necklace meant to lead true love to each other, afterall it had worked for the generations of oikawas thus far.

"It works like a charm!" Grandmother exclaims, lying on her bed surrounded by family and friends and all that she loved. She had opted for a natural death, and asked to be taken down from life support the moment the doctors said that there was a very small chance that she would emerge alive from the operation. Clasping the necklace in her frail hands, she beckons for Tooru to bend downwards amidst the tears dripping down on her, but she isn't bothered by them. She then hooks the necklace onto Tooru. "It worked for me and Grandpa, you know. Who knows, you may find your one true love with this necklace!" she says, before winking exaggeratedly. Tooru laughs and the moments fly past, and it's not long before the doctors start to remove life support. Grandmother's eyes flutter close, but they are still bright and aware as they search for Tooru's own soft brown ones. As their gazes meet, Grandmother smiles softly before squeezing Tooru's hands tenderly:

"It looks beautiful on you." 

 The bell tinkles softly as Tooru steps into the florists', smiling at the girl at the counter. She tucks a strand of hair shyly behind her ear, and Tooru points to the beautiful red anemones and requests for an arrangement. 

"And the colour combination..." 

"Dark blue and white please." 

Her nimble hands craft a beautiful wreath of flowers and it's exactly how Tooru envisioned it in his mind. The boy thanks the florist before making payment, stepping out of the shop and back into his car. He drives for an hour before reaching a deserted area, empty and barren and somehow nostalgic, the way the sunset cast the field in a warm light.

Placing the wreath at a corner, Tooru cleans up the headstones before setting the wreath down gently. 

Placing the wreath at a corner, an old woman cleans up a headstone before setting the wreath down gently.

Staring up at the sky, Tooru smiles and it feels almost bittersweet.

**_Staring up at the sky, an old woman smiles and it feels almost bittersweet._ **

"I'm here, grandma and grandpa" 

**_"i'm here, love"_ **

"You lied to me"

**_"You lied to me"_ **

"You said that this ring would definitely work."

**_"You said that you'd never leave me alone"_ **

Tooru clutches the necklace fondly. 

**_The old woman clutches the necklace fondly._ **

"I can't make him love me"

_**"I can't bring you back"** _

"But I was so happy with that short time together"

**_"But I was so happy with our short time together"_ **

"It was worth it, right?"

**_"It was worth it."_ **

"I'm dying soon, but I have no regrets"

_**"I'm dying soon, but I have no regrets"** _

"Love really is beautiful." **  
**

_**"Love really is beautiful."** _

 

"Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide, but I will love you until the end of time"

\- moulin rouge 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Yui, the boy who asked just left was so handsome! Why didn't you get his number?" A shorter girl launches herself at the girl at the counter, starting to gush about how his black sweater matched perfectly with his jeans and how he looked like he just stepped out from a fashion magazine and about his soft brown eyes that made you drown in them and the way his equally soft brown hair fell perfectly to frame his face and the necklace with a ring that contrasted perfectly against his sweater and how it was oh so meaningful, 
> 
> but Yui couldn't pay attention to any single word her cousin said. All she had in her mind was the meaning of the flowers he just requested for, the way he smiled at the sight of the wreath (she didn't even need words to know that it was meant to be a wreath and not a bouquet) , the longing that was hidden inside his eyes that flowed out endlessly upon sight of the finished product. She wanted to know his story and how a man barely an adult could possibly have such depth of emotion. 
> 
> Forsaken love, or in a more romantic sense, the love that remains. Yui rests her head on the countertop, thinking about the mysterious man and what his story could possibly contain. She wouldn't be forgetting about him anytime soon.


End file.
